I was having a conversation with a friend of mine the other day and she was asking me about my dating life and the most recent prospects. I confirmed my reasons for dismissing some of the suitors and after each diatribe of reasons, I ended each conclusion with “bottom line is that my gut was just saying it’s not right.” She noticed that I had said this the last time we were having this discussion, and in that instance as well I chalked up the end of that relationship as “my gut.”
My friend just pointed this out to me as a coincidence, but I went home really wondering about that. How many other times had I done this? How many other occasions had I credited my gut with these decisions? And with that, a new clarity came over me. And to quote John Cusack, I realized “my guts have sh*t for brains.”
They were allowing me to take a cowardly way out of something that obviously feared me in some manner one way or another. Who knows what I was afraid of in those situations? Intimacy? Hep C? Explaining to someone my love of the TV show Quantum Leap, and fearing their reaction to my honesty?
I don’t know, and who cares. The point is your gut does speak to you, and it’s usually in those “after school moments.” These are situations where you just KNOW right from wrong. In those instances, I do believe your gut steps up and punches out that twang of clarity to get you out of those situations. But is it possible we’ve been disguising our fears in this more heroic gut-factor suit just to alleviate ourselves from admitting “I’m scared”?
There’s never really been a better moment for change than a new year. And with some timely approaching, I want to take this challenge on myself and start recognizing what an actual “gut” reaction is. Because to be quite honest, I think I’ve forgotten what it feels like. I want to figure out, for me, how I can decipher between my gut saying “haul ass and get out of there” and my past hurts or fears dictating that decision. I used to think your gut reactions were rare and came from a place you never really knew you had.
Here’s a way to describe it better; my guts, in my mind, were always the “special guest star” in my decision making. They appeared on special episodes and were credited specially, and then they were gone. What I MADE my guts become in my life was the Heather Locklear guest appearance in Melrose Place, where she was in EVERY stinking episode for something like 12 seasons, but she STILL was billed as a “special guest star.”
I encourage you too to go back to recognizing your own innate check as what it was meant to be, and stop allowing it to shoulder the blame for any fears you may have. This New Year may just awaken to fates which have been trying to hunt you down, but just couldn’t break your walls. Don’t let your guts be a metaphorical “c*ck-block” in your life and take a chance on different.
Ladies, ever wonder where the phrase "tapped that" originated? Fella's, ever wonder if girls had slumber parties with nighties and pillow fights? Yeah, well me too. The Vagina MonoBlogs takes a proactive but honest point of view on some of these timeless questions and offers some perspectives to apply...or avoid for that matter!
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Quantum leap photo: thewrap.com
Heather Locklear photo: articles.nydailynews.com