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Every little girl dreams of the day when that special guy is going to get down on one knee, slip his hand into his pocket, and pull out a gleaming diamond to offer. I’ve heard some of the most romantic engagement stories and some of the most mundane, and I’ve always wondered on which side of the spectrum mine would land when the time came.

I was coming up quickly on my 26th birthday and Sam and I had been together for about four years now. We had casually talked about marriage but never anything concrete was decided.  Leading up to my birthday, which I regard as my own national holiday, Sam seemed to be acting different.  Where he had once concluded to just allow me to make the plans, he was adamant with facilitating all of the birthday celebrating.  Pamela Sue Martin as Nancy Drew. Photo: Flickr.com

He had asked me “What are you wearing to dinner on Friday night?  I was thinking you’d want to go get yourself something new and special.”  He thought I had WAY too much clothes, so I took this as odd. The next day he said “You don’t really wear jewelry do you? You’d wear special pieces though if you had them, right?”  I started to get suspicious, so I sent for additional female opinions, and they agreed this as suspicious behavior and ride it out.  

Three days away from our dinner plans, and I’m sitting on the couch and Sam says “Why don’t you treat yourself to a manicure?  Here, how much are they?”  Now I was nervous. A manicure? I didn’t even think he knew what a manicure was. I casually agreed to the treatment and called my friends with more clues.  We were onto something here. I came home to our apartment the next day and when I opened the door I heard Sam immediately yell, “HANG ON! Don’t come up here!”  My defiant child-like attitude took all of my power to stifle, because all I wanted to do was run into the room where he was and see this ‘surprise.’  

He finally yells down, “Ok to come up.”  I immediately go into the bedroom where he was and scan the space looking for anything out of place.  Sam caught onto my “Nancy Drew” impersonation and said “Listen, do I have your word that you won’t go snooping around in here, please, it would mean a lot to me if you just let me have this surprise?”  Ugh. Well he hit me with such a noble request, so I made the promise to just wait and cool my jets.   

Friday came and in my new outfit and freshly manicures hands, Sam and I headed off to dinner.  Once we ordered and Sam looked at me and said, “I want to give you one of your presents now.”  My heart began to leap from my chest and I nervously looked around where I sat to make sure he had room to take a knee. He stood up and took a small wrapped package out from his back and handed it over to me.  He sat down with a goofy grin while I tore into the wrapping.  She-Ra- the complete DVD collection.  She-Ra photo: sliceofscifi.com

Don’t get me wrong , I did LOVE it, I just had something smaller and less DVD compatible in mind at the moment, so I was a little less enthusiastic then I should have been.  

“That’s not your only present, just so you know.  I think it’ll be a very special night for you.” Ok, my suspicions were back on.  With each course of the meal I casually forked through the lettuce leaves or lasagna layers wanting to be sure I didn’t swallow any “present” accidentally.  The desert came, and again I searched, but no ring.  

We left a glorious meal and headed home. I made one final effort to see where this night was histrionically heading, and I blurted out “You’ve really made my birthday so special I don’t want any more presents.  So no more, ok?”  My attempt at reverse psychology was pathetic, but may work on Sam.  “But I have something even more special for you at home,” he confirmed.  

It WORKED. Game back on. “That’s ok, why don’t you take it back or something, you really have done so much already, and I am grateful.”  (Bite fishy, BITE)  “Well I can’t return it” he replied with a small smile. Oh my God, it’s been sized. This is for real now I thought to myself and actually counted the mile markers until we got home.

I raced into the apartment and Sam said, “Go have a seat on the bed.”  My heart was in my throat and I looked at the clock to see if would be “too late” to call anyone, then I realized WHO CARES, I’m calling them anyway!  Sam comes in the bedroom and kneels at the foot of the bed and holds my hands and says “I have something special for you,” and his hand darts between the Samress and box spring.  Just then, my world went black. As clear as day, I knew I didn’t want to get married yet.  

“WAIT! You know what I’ve been thinking and I really don’t think I am ready for this. There’s so much I still want to do. I think I want to explore more and all that before we do this and take this step.”  Sam looks at me a bit baffled and pulls his hand out from between the Samress and says “I thought it’d be fun…”  

And there in his hand was a silver vibrator. Photo: organicnaturaldiet.com

I burst out crying. This gift was WORLDS away from where I had thought.  Sam stared at me crying like he was in the presence of a weeping statue of the Virgin Mary, he had absolutely no idea what was going on. Through the tears and snot I managed to say each word:  I. Thought. You. Were. Giving. Me. An. Engagement. Ring.

“Why did you think I was giving you a ring? And why are you still crying?” Poor Sam.  This attempt to be a little ‘naughty’ truly backfired on him.

“Because…”  I then went down my list of Nancy Drew clues to attest to the conclusion that all signs pointed a ring.  

“You told me to get a new outfit.”

“It was your birthday and you love clothes, of course you should get a new outfit.”

“You asked me if I would wear special jewelry.”

“Because I wanted to be sure you would like it if I got you a necklace or something.”

“You told me to get a manicure.”

“My mom told me girls like manicures, so I got you a manicure.”

“You said you couldn’t return the gift.”

“That’s because I had them put the batteries in it.”

With that I sobbed even louder. He knew now these tears were more of an embarrassment at my own nature to get carried away rather than the actual disappointment of not being given a ring.  Photo: examiner.com

I got on my most covering, fuzzy, and footed pajamas that night for bed (and mind you my birthday’s in July), and slept as close to the opposite edge of the bed as I could get. Looking back on the evening now; poor Sam. The man entered the night with nothing but good intentions and his reward was to sleep next to what looked like a 3rd grader at a slumber party.

Needless to say the ‘present’ was never tested; it held too many uncomfortable and embarrassing memories to be actually taken seriously. In the end Sam and I never did marry, at least not each other. We parted ways a year later on very good terms. During our breakup proceedings as they were, I asked Sam if I ever taught him anything of significance about women. He said “of course, tons.”

“However”, he noted, “you did make me realize girls do love silver presents, just not one’s that could mix paint evidently.”  

The lesson I took away was to be patient, all good things will come to you in their own right time.  Don’t rush anything.   

It’s ironic though, because the lesson I took away is the exact opposite goal of a vibrator.  

Go figure.

Ladies, ever wonder where the phrase "tapped that" originated?  Fella's, ever wonder if girls had slumber parties with nighties and pillow fights?  Yeah, well me too.  The Vagina MonoBlogs takes a proactive but honest point of view on some of these timeless questions and offers some perspectives to apply...or avoid for that matter!

Click here for last week's Vagina MonoBlogs

Contact Brandi Conrow at brandi.conrow@hotmail.com

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The Duke Avatar

Looks like the cowards at Penn State University can't handle the heat after sweeping Jerry Sandusky's child sex crimes under the rug for YEARS.

Today they cancelled Joe Paterno's press conference because of the media attention the Sandusky child sex scandal is receiving.

At first, they were going forward with Joe Paterno's weekly pre-game press conference, but they knew they would have to answer a barrage of questions.

Penn State President and Coward-in-Chief Graham Spanier requested the cancellation of the press conference, and the university issued the following horses**t statement:

"Due to the ongoing legal circumstances centered around the recent allegations and charges, we have determined that today's press conference cannot be held and will not be rescheduled."

Boo-BLEEPING-hoo. I feel so sorry for you, Penn State University. You allowed Jerry Sandusky to set foot on campus after he raped a 10-year-old boy in a shower in 2002. Furthermore, Joe Paterno washed his hands of everything by passing the information to Tim Curley, who did NOTHING about it.

This whole scandal gets worse and worse every day, and the suits at Penn State think they can hide like ostriches. This will result in the death of Penn State football as we know it.

Truthfully, Jerry Sandusky should receive the death penalty for his crimes. And everyone who obstructed justice and enabled this animal to carry out his crimes (including Joe Paterno) should receive jail time for being complicit in these crimes. In fact, it's not out of the question to suggest that Joe Paterno, Tim Curley, Graham Spanier, and Gary Schultz spend 20-30 years in prison.

This would mean Paterno spend the rest of his life in prison, and it's just as well. He is for all intents and purposes the accomplice of a child rapist.

Joe Paterno's storied legacy is nothing but a sham.  Penn State University brought this on themselves by looking out for the bottom line - money.

Hopefully, the suits in NCAA Football destroy Penn State's program. They probably won't because the program didn't cheat, pay students, or give away gifts. The NCAA would rather concern themselves with money.

Contact The Duke at theduke0000@yahoo.com

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President Obama is scheduled to come to the Philadelphia area today. Could he really be coming here to campaign for Mayor Nutter in today's Philadelphia mayoral election?

According to Republican Karen Brown, who is running against Mayor Nutter, President Obama is coming to town today to campaign for him because he "is running scared." 

Brown spoke with Philly2Philly's Dennis Bakay on Sunday night in regards to this matter. Check out the full interview right here.

Contact The Peoples Blogger at peoplesblogger@yahoo.com

What’s gonna happen next? That’s the question fans are left asking when they watch episode 5 of Dexter, and see all kinds of twists and turns that are set-ups for the rest of the season!  

The show starts off with Dexter examining the angel wings from the end of episode 4 murder, and looking into that strange man, Travis, at the scene of that crime! He ends up finding out who Travis is, and later tracks him down. People think Travis might get killed, but it’s too early in the season. Oh, and Travis admits he’s too weak to kill, foiling Dexter’s plan and leaving him to make Travis walk away from his own car, and leaving himself to move on with his side investigation of the Doomsday Killer. Dexter Photo: Randy Tepper: Showtime

Before getting to Travis, Dexter visits the museum where Travis works. In his explorations, he finds a book that has the numbers missing, like the numbers he keeps finding in victims.  

Throughout the show, Travis and Gellar are hunting for their next victim, a ‘”whore of Babylon,” and while they embark on the Miami night life to choose this whore, Travis notices a newspaper with Gellar’s face on it! Gellar goes into hiding and Travis almost gets caught trying to trap his target. He frees her and later, thanks to his run in with Dexter, Travis is hesitant to see Gellar. Eventually they ‘run into’ a couple and get the woman in the trunk. Later, when Travis calls Gellar to say he’s not feeling well, Gellar is on to him!  

Deb and Anderson work together to learn more about Revelations and find Gellar’s old assistant from his teaching days. They end up sending Quinn and Angel to Tallahassee to talk with Charisa Porter, who turns out to be the latest notch on Quinn’s belt. When Angel comes to get Quinn in the morning, Angel finds a book in Porter’s home with drawings that are replicas of the crime scenes they’ve encountered already this season. Porter confirms it’s Gellar’s book!

At Miami Metro HQ, Masuka brings in a computer wiz named Louis to help hide the fact that the Ice Truck Killer ‘hand’ was online in a trading site. And Deb has to get the engagement ring back to Quinn…she forgot in the midst of her new role that she even had it and has to find it at home.

She and Harrison’s nanny Jamie get into a tiff when she’s in Dexter’s apartment (her temporary residence), and she has crime scene photos out in plain sight for Harrison! Lucky for her, a recent homicide left a beautiful waterfront property up for grabs and she’s going to move in soon! And at the crime scene, Anderson asks Dexter how he can be so professional and work with this team. Dexter responds about how great they are, including his lieutenant sister!

Brother Sam and Dexter had some nice (eerily familiar to Miguel) bonding time with beers on Dexter’s porch. It makes the audience wonder where the plot would go.

Turns out it would be revenge…Sam was gunned down in the last seconds of the show!


Check out last week's recap HERE!

Dexter airs Sunday nights at 9pm on Showtime, and if you’re too busy watching Sunday Night Football to tune in, there is an encore presentation Monday nights at 9pm.

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Dexter Photo: Randy Tepper: Showtime

The relentless pursuit of all things statistical has become the bane of my sports enjoyment. Now, the self-proclaimed Worldwide Leader (ESPN) has added a new metric to the already crowded landscape called Total Quarterback Rating (QBR).  Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse espn logoalong comes QBR to fuel the fires of every living, breathing fantasy football geek the world over.

According to ESPN.com, it is a “statistical measure that incorporates the contexts and details of the quarterback’s throws and what they mean for wins.”  Couldn’t fans and media members simply watch the games to decide the level of a quarterback’s play?  Does anyone need mathematics to know Tom Brady greatly influences every New England Patriots game?

My love of the National Football League was born in the seventies when star quarterbacks like Ken Stabler and Terry Bradshaw confounded defenses with their skill, intelligence and toughness. Generally, it was easy to see when they played well and when they didn’t. There was no use for a quarterback rating statistic. In fact, I didn’t know what a quarterback rating was until about twenty years later. It was an uncomplicated and glorious time for NFL fans.   

What do quarterbacks Dan Marino, Dan Fouts and John Elway have in common?  Each one Dan Marino and John Elwayhas a career quarterback rating below 87.0. That statistic by today's standards implies they were each slightly above average. Can’t you hear Rotisserie football experts arguing the merits of those legends based solely on quarterback rating?

Fortunately for them their careers are defined by mostly tangential and rational men who saw fit to induct them into the pro football Hall of Fame.  One would be hard-pressed to find anyone who saw them play challenge their rightful place in Canton, OH.

Perhaps it’s part of the overall simplemindedness of the country and world we live in.  Maybe the pundits would rather talk about the NFL with more nuance but they have implicit instructions to focus on the numbers. After all, it’s still about viewers and the fantasy football contingent absolutely loves any and all quantifiable data.

That way, when the subject of pro football comes up in a regular conversation they can offer an opinion that actually sounds believable. Never mind the fact they don’t actually watch the games. They merely tune in to the NFL’s RedZone channel to follow the yards, receptions and touchdowns of players on their rosters. Countless times I've heard a friend or colleague explain the value of a particular player on the basis of some obscure statistic.

The level of minutia available to football fans never ends. Just the other day I read an article by an actual NFL beat-writer whose work is respectable. In it was a detailed (and mundane) analysis of a specific quarterback’s rating, only in this piece the writer provided numbers based on the intended receiver.  It turns out this quarterback’s rating is highest when he targets the player on his team widely regarded as his best pass catcher.

How about that?  It seems there is a fascinating trend permeating NFL stadiums from coast to coast.  According to the current data, quarterbacks who throw to their best receiver have better numbers than when they don’t.  Not to judge this writer too harshly but his reporting is lazy.  It’s hard to fathom there are companies out there actually willing to pay him for this non-sense.  Even a casual fan can see the quarterback plays his best when he throws to his most accomplished and in some instances only good pass-catcher.

This has reached epidemic proportions.  It seems each day brings a new, hard to reconcile metric. Critical analysis and careful thought are secondary to numeric equations and statistical data.

ESPN if offering total quarterback rating as a meaningful figure instead of the useless number it is.  

They should know better and so should we.

Earl Myers is a native of Philadelphia. He enjoys horse racing and considers golf his only hobby.  He closely follows North America's four major leagues but has been known to watch any sporting event on television.  He''s the kind of writer whose message is sometimes received long after it's been sent.


Contact Earl at emyersiii@gmail.com

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ESPN logo from espn.com

Photo of Marino and Elway from buymeposters.com


Toni's Pink Flamingos show up in full force to walk two miles at the Big sMall Walk at the Oxford Valley Mall.


The Macy's Courtyard at the Oxford Valley Mall filled with pink before the Big sMall Walk commenced at the Oxford Valley Mall on Saturday, October 29.


Oxford Valley Mall's Director of Marketing, Jim Malervy, speaks to the crowd of more than 300 attendees at the Big sMall Walk and encourages them to show off their "fight like a girl" pink bracelets in honor of the fight against breast cancer

Ryan’s husband was turning thirty (many moons ago) and to celebrate a trip to Las Vegas was imminent. Ryan has one of those grand personalities that I can only properly describe by the phrase “Go Big, or Go Home.”  

Having Valerie, Ryan, and I on a vacation together was not common, so we each entered this with great expectations. Mine were slightly thwarted by a snowboarding mishap where I accidentallly assumed strapping both legs to a plank on snow was a wise plan. The end result was a fractured wrist and a classy casted arm to take along to a 600 degree Vegas. Poor Ryan and Val found themselves doing “rock, paper, scissors” for who would shave my legs for the week. God bless them.  Mike Tyson photo: news.yahoo.com

One night we decided a “girl’s night” was in effect and we headed out on our own. I watched this scenario like an anthropologist.  I was fascinated to see how our friend Valerie would fair in Vegas. Of the three of us I would classify Val as the one least impressed with the flash and glam of Vegas culture. We began our “clubbing” evening on the top of the Palms Casino in Ghost Bar.  

As I had suspected the excitement of Ghost Bar didn’t seem to affect Val as much, and this became pretty evident to me when she came back from the bathroom and said, “So I saw a set of sheets in Macy’s with all of the Super-Friends on them.” Ryan excused herself to call and check in on her husband and his “boy’s night” Vegas festivities, and Val and I continued our thread count conversation.

I looked to the entrance and a thick group of people walked in. The circles exterior was made up of rough looking black men, and they moved in a heard through the floor. I finally got a good glimpse of the inner circle and there was the one and only, unmistakable Mike Tyson. Myself a fan of the boxing world, I immediately pointed this out to Val. She casually looked over and said, “That’s cool. I think the guy from Saved by the Bell is here too.”  

“Iron Mike" took a seat and looked about as scary and intimidating as a man would look who can withstand having tribal images tattooed on his face. I got an idea, “let’s get Mike Tyson to sign my cast."  Val looked less than impressed at the thought of approaching the crew, so the idea was ultimately a bust.  

But I didn’t care; I had a “Vegas story” to share. We saw MIKE TYSON. A few minutes later Mike and his entourage got up and started out, they took a new route and were coming right past Val and I at the bar. They all moved in front of us and Val and I sat upright on our bar stools to watch the passing crew.   

Now, just as the anthropologist observing the ritual habits of tribal cultures of New Guinea, only so much of their data can be logical. Los Del Rio photo: Billboard.comThere’s always a chance the tribe can shock even the most noted scholar if the tribe were to have mastered the Macarena or an iPhone. My point is that the concept just doesn’t compute, and neither did this.

As the posse moved past us and "Iron Mike" was a foot from us, Val darts her hand in-between the arms of the burly “gates” and grabs the forearm of Tyson.  In a split second my heart dropped to the ground level of the Palms when I see “Iron Mike” cock his right arm and fist back in a killers “It’s ON!” stance.  Of all the scenarios I was ever considering for the evening none of them remotely revolved around explaining to an emergency room how my friend was cold cocked by Mike Tyson.

To our grace, Mike caught himself before his animal-like reflexes took over and allowed him to follow through with a swing. Val flashed a smile to the champ and he and his entourage continued out the door. Val looked at me and casually turned her chair back around, all with the ease of someone who hadn’t just stared down Mike Tyson. I would have spoken at that moment but I was too busy willing myself out of a stroke.  

“Well that was cool” Val said in an obvious attempt to break the silence.

“Why would you, of ALL people, taunt Mike Tyson?  You know he hits girls, he went to prison, twice I think.”

“Nah, he was fine.  Where are we going after this?”Bill and Ted photo: writersdigest.com

Boggled still by what just happened Ryan re-enters to coordinate the rest of our night.  

“So where do you guys want to go next?  Hey did you see that guy from Saved by the Bell is here?”  

“Val almost got knocked out by Mike Tyson,” I blurted out.

Ryan just stared at us for a moment with that classic dumbfounded look. The same look Keanu Reeves sports throughout all of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.  

We took off for more Vegas experience and left our tale of Valerie “The Vegas Virgin” vs. “Iron Mike” Tyson to Ghost Bar.  

Remember, “Go Big, or Go Home,” well I don’t think you get much bigger then taking on the champ and living to tell about it.

Ladies, ever wonder where the phrase "tapped that" originated?  Fella's, ever wonder if girls had slumber parties with nighties and pillow fights?  Yeah, well me too.  The Vagina MonoBlogs takes a proactive but honest point of view on some of these timeless questions and offers some perspectives to apply...or avoid for that matter!

Click here for last week's Vagina MonoBlogs

Contact Brandi Conrow at brandi.conrow@hotmail.com

Remember the days of Homey the Clown, The Buttmans, Fire Marshall Bill, Men On Film, and Anton Jackson from the 90’s FOX sitcom ‘In Living Color’?
Well it turns out youPhoto: ximagonline.com just might see the sitcom back on television real soon.
Show creator Keenan Ivory Wayans is set to bring back the show for two-half hour specials in the Spring of 2012. If the shows does well, there is an option to pick up the show for a full season or mid-season replacement.

‘In Living Color’ was a cutting edge, groundbreaking, often controversial comedy that gave Saturday Night Live  a run for its money in the early 1990’s. Some even think the quality of the show surpassed SNL in terms of quality, originality, and memorable characters during its relatively short stay in prime time. Catchphrases like “Homey don’t play that,” “Two snaps up,” and “Let me tell you something,” became part of pop culture. Moreover, the show launched the careers of Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Lopez, Jim Carrey, Damon Wayans, David Alan Grier, Tommy Davidson, and what seemed like 1,000 other Wayans siblings

As popular as ‘In Living Color’ had become, the show, often at odds with the FOX network as a result of FOX constantly threatening to censor the show. Wayans finally had enough around the end of 1992, and it’s no coincidence that the show’s quality never recovered after his departure.

Reportedly, Wayans will try to recapture the magic with a completely different cast. For about half of the show’s run, ‘In Living Color’ was one of the funniest shows on television. It's hard to recapture magic twice when reviving a classic television show, so let’s hope he can pull it off.


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Photo: ximagonline.com


Finally! This season of  Dexter  took off in episode 4. Lookout Trinity, the Doomsday Killer is getting interesting! It started with Dexter and Harrison at a baptism that Brother Sam invited them to last week. Dexter left things open in episode 3. And while it wasn’t apparent he’d attend, the way the writers have been shoving religion down viewers throats, it was no surprise he and Harrison went to check it out! Dexter Photo: Randy Tepper: Showtime

After the ritual in the water, Brother Sam spent time with Dexter asking him about his faith, or lack thereof, and then Dexter was called to one of the most intriguing crime scenes the show has ever produced!!!

Four horses, each draped with a combination of fake and human body parts on them, and the Alpha-Omega symbol painted on one of the horse’s heads lined the crime scenes. Dexter immediately thought back to his brother, the Ice Truck Killer, recognizing that this might be the most spectacular scene since those days. As the Miami Metro team worked the scene, Detective Anderson (the new guy), connected the dots and told the crew how this looked to be a story from the Book of Revelations.

Deb was called to give a media briefing, leaving LaGuerta blindsided and offended. Deb, being Deb, was uncensored during the press conference. And while the department thought this was a fault, she was called to Matthews’ office, where he thanked her and told her that the public loved her transparency!

Meanwhile, as the investigation got underway, Dexter noticed a tiny piece of paper in the victim, the jogger taken last week’s eye, and then they found a similar paper in the fruit vendor victim from episode one. No word yet what the details are here, though it’s sure to mean something to viewers eventually.

During the episode Masuka and Ryan flirt a little more, until Masuka gets a call that leads him to the ‘hand’ on an eBay like site and he has to fire her. She storms out but surely this isn’t the end for her this season! Will she learn to much? Is she a kill for Dexter? Or maybe she doesn’t meet the code.

Harrison is sick, and Dexter’s called away. As the audience learns that Harrison’s appendix is bursting and an emergency surgery must be done, they see Brother Sam show up at the hospital, and Dexter make a deal with God…. Does he believe in something? He’s not sure but for now, he just wants his son to be ok…and he is before the show ends.

While searching for clues, Angel and Quinn end up smoking a joint and then get called to check out the home of a person of interest, a former professor at a local university who they learn has been MIA for about three years after he got fired for stealing an ancient sword, one that might have belonged to John the Revelator.

Travis and Gellar go out for lunch where Travis flirts with a waitress and goes out for a date, which leads to much more. Travis creepily spies on the two and in the morning, Gellar finds her tied up in the kitchen. He chooses not to save her and her fate makes for the next crime scene, the third kill- making the Doomsday Killer a serial killer, and having the show end with her hanging in a garden- killed accidentally by a trap that detectives walk into. She’s hanging from a device with angel wings up on her sides and locust swarming the screen!

As the locusts fly off, Dexter spies Travis watching things unfold and immediately realizes that Travis knows more about this.

Episode 5 is sure to get exciting!!!


Check out last week's recap HERE!

Dexter airs Sunday nights at 9pm on Showtime, and if you’re too busy watching Sunday Night Football to tune in, there is an encore presentation Monday nights at 9pm.

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Photo: Randy Tepper: Showtime

The Duke Avatar

Thank God the 2011 World Series is finally over with. We won't have to put up with the national media shoving the St. Louis Cardinals' "magical" season down our throats any longer. And, we won't have to hear about the stupid rally squirrel anymore. Also, we won't have to look at the surly Tony La Russa any longer.

For those of us in Philadelphia we are bitter, really F***ing bitter over the Phillies' chokejob against the Cardinals.

And, the fact that this Cardinals team has won 2 titles in 5 years, while the Phillies have just 1 title during their "Golden Age" stings us in the ass like the bites from 10 wasps.

Face it, the Cardinals have won 2 World Series titles in five years, but they might be the WEAKEST 2-time champ in a 5-year span in history. Their 83-win 2006 team played in a weak division, got lucky matchups, and caught a tired Detroit Tigers team in the World Series. This time around the Phillies put them in the playoffs by knocking the Braves. Then they played a team in the Rangers who outchoked the Milwaukee Brewers and Philadelphia Phillies for choking supremacy.

The fact that this so-called resillient team lost their ace Adam Wainwright (one of the top 5 pitchers in baseball) before the season - only to win it all, just shows you how weak their competition was. And, don't give me that crap about the Phillies' 102 wins. The oil was leaking on that bus right after they clinched the division in September. The 8-game losing streak was the beginning of the end for this overrated squad. The 2011 Phillies may have had more wins and a better pitching staff than the 2008 squad, but they were nowhere near as good of a "team."

Moving along, the Rangers' game 6 collapse was one of the biggest chokejobs in sports history and I hate to say it - outdid some of the horrific collapses by the Sixers, Phillies, Flyers, and even the Philadelphia Eagles. And, if you outchoke the Eagles then you are in a special class.

In most of the country, we really couldn't give a rat's ass about the Cardinals or their dumbass squirrell. The fact that these midwest dullards had to rally around a lame ass squirrel just speaks to the mentality of the yokels in the Midwest. They are safe, middle-of-the road, corny, candy ass fans. 

The Cardinals fans are considered great fans by the national media particularly because they aren't "tough" on their athletes like around Philly. Bulls**t. If they had to put up with the "$120 million man", Cliff Lee choking in Game 2 like that they wouldn't be so forgiving.

You know what else is great about the end of the World Series? Philly hater Joe Buck won't be able to perform verbal fellatio on the Cardinals entire team anymore this year. It's obvious this man is a Philly hater whenever you listen to him during any games involving the Phillies or Eagles, which is sickening enough. But, it was a wet dream for him to broadcast the World Series with his favorite team the Cardinals defying all odds to win it all in seven games. Listening to him ooh and ahh over this team was as painful as watching an episode of 'The Playboy Club.'

So, Cardinals fans get off your high horses and realize that 95% of the country could give a flying bleep about your fluke of a team. In St. Louis where yokels worship their millionaire overpaid athletes like heros - you might think everybody cares, but we really don't. We don't give a bleep in Philly. They don't care in Chicago. They don't care in New York. And, they don't care in California. And, they don't care in Florida...well the bandwagon fans down there actually don't care about sports unless their teams get into the NBA Finals or World Series. So they might have you beat for the title of lamest fans in sports.

Suck on that St. Louis.

Contact The Duke at theduke0000@yahoo.com

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