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The Morning After- An irreverent look at Eagles win over Panthers

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Good morning campers. My name is Steve Olenski and I will be your tour guide on this acerbic and sarcastic pigskin pilgrimage called The Morning After (TMA).

If you’re a new rider on this expedition here’s what you can expect to see... essentially everything you won’t in a “normal” recap of a given Eagles game.

If you’re looking for a traditional review of a game, there are plenty of fine writers out there who would be more than willing to help you – most notably our very own Mark Eckel, who offers a game perspective as well as grading the Eagles after every game.

I decided long ago that I would write about stuff that I notice about a given game and that I would weave in my peculiar brand of humor. Something ridiculous someone says during the pre-game show. Or maybe a comment on a TV commercial. Or what someone was wearing in the booth. Like I said, it’s what you won’t read in an everyday, run of the mill summation.

Ok, just wanted to get out there for all the newbies.

Of course for those who’ve been with me lo these past 15+ years, are well aware of my penchant for observing and commenting on the abnormal and untraditional.

Enough of that... let’s giddy up.

Oooh, almost forgot MQ. Again, all the veterans know who MQ is... he is the man, the myth, the legend – the greatest financial mind since James Cash Penney. He is the man who’s been to my immediate right for practically every Eagles game for the past 20+ years. Go back 20+ years and think about all the different machinations of the Philadelphia Eagles. All the different players and coaches who’ve passed through town and the one constant through it all for yours truly has been MQ to my right.

NOW... let’s get to getting...

 

LOCK, STOCK & BARREL...

Longtime readers of the TMA know that – perhaps more than any other, I love when Dick Stockton is calling the game for Fox Sports. Love it. Well I don’t love it when they actually show him on camera per se but... I love it for the mere fact that he’s guaranteed to utter a few lines that leave you saying to yourself “what did he just say?”

And yesterday, ol’ Dick did not disappoint.

At one point he referred to the Eagles Jeremy Maclin as Mclain. Ok, ok, they kind of look the same, don’t they?

At another point he got all excited to call a big hit put on the Eagles rookie RB LeSean McCoy saying he was hit “immediately.” Course the only problem was McCoy was hit after going untouched down the field for 12 yards so that whole “immediately” thing kind of didn’t fit... but hey, Dick made it sound great.

Then, finally, in speaking of Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie, Dick told us “he (Lurie) really knows how to own.” I think I know what he meant but as usual, Dick got his words all mixed up. But it’s the thought that counts, right?

And raise your hand if you’d ever heard of Dick’s partner in the booth, Charles Davis before yesterday. Yeah, that’s what I thought. MQ and I thought it was the guy who won the Heisman for USC until he (MQ) realized sometime in the 3rd Quarter that that was Charles White, not Davis.

Turns out Chuck used to call college games for the Big Ten Network. I wonder how many times when he was doing say a Purdue/Illinois tilt, he threw out the “line of demarcation” line like he did yesterday.

 

DOWN IN THE DEMPS...

How bad is Quintin Demps? Think about it. He gets beat out by a guy for the starting free safety who was a cornerback in college in Macho Harris.

Plus, he loses his kick returning duties to a guy who wasn’t even on the team last year in Ellis Hobbs. Yes, I know Hobbs led the league or something in kick returning, whatever.

My point is this guy is hanging on by a thread. Well if football doesn’t work out, he can always go back to commanding the PT 73. Oh wait, that was Quinton McHale.

 

FUGGETABOUTIT...

Did anyone else, besides MQ and I, catch this one?

Many members of the Eagles defense apparently forgot the game situation at one point.

The Panthers, facing a 4th and one from the Eagles two, were to “held” to a one-yard gain.

Many Eagles players on the field erupted in excitement as if they had just stopped the Panthers on a 4th and Goal.

Unfortunately reality set back in and they quickly realized that was not the case. It’s good thing no one noticed, huh?

 

SWITCHING CHANNELS...

Like many of you I’m sure, MQ and I were constantly flipping channels between the Eagles and the Phillies games to get updates on how the Fightins were doing against the Metropolitans.

And I’m so glad we did for we both learned some baseball lingo that neither of us had ever heard before, despite having watched the game since we were kids.

Two terms in particular: “floating umpire” and the “daylight play.”

Again, raise your hand if you know what either or both of these terms mean. Don’t cheat and Google them. You had no idea, either. Admit it.

Seems a floating umpire refers to umpires who fill in on days when they play two.

And the daylight play is a play in baseball designed to pick off a runner on second base.

So, now you know. Baseball has floaters and daylight.

 

SHOW ME THE WAY TO DELHOMME...

Why in the name of Captain Munnerlyn would the Carolina Panthers – or anyone for that matter, give Jake Delhomme a contract extension?

Is the NFL that bereft of quality quarterbacks? Like that? Bereft. That’s my 10-point word of the day.

But seriously, this guy is, to paraphrase Chevy Chase in Caddyshack... he’s, um... he’s not good.

And shame on you for not knowing Captain Munnerlyn is the name of the punt returner for the Panthers and no, I am not making that up.

 

THE SOUNDS OF SILENCE...

Ok, I admit, I liked it a little when I couldn’t hear tricky Dicky but... what was up with the audio yesterday?

I know we’re getting the D level broadcast team but holy Marconi that was pathetic.

 

LET’S TAKE IT FROM THE TOP...

Did you all catch standup comedian Carrot Top in the Tony Stewart-led Burger King commercial?

If you did, then you are now as completely frightened as I am by his appearance. Wow. When did he turn into Danny Bonaduce?

For all the kids out there, yes, eating carrots are good for you. But you don’t get that big just by eating carrots. Unless they’re of the radioactive variety.

Wonder if Carrot Top knows Jose Canseco? Just sayin...

 

TAKE THIS KOLB AND SHOVE IT...

Ok, so last year it wasn’t fair to the kid to throw him into the lions den in Baltimore, right?

And now, we’re supposed to believe that it wasn’t fair to put him into yesterday’s game because, as Andy Reid himself said, he didn’t get to run with the first team in practice all week?

Look, I was (operative word) a fan of his. I told everyone that I thought he had some potential. But after yesterday... he’s got journeyman written all over him. If that.

His decision-making was deplorable. There’s really no other way around it. And you can bet your bippy that the Eagles were calling AJ Feeley within seconds of getting the word on #5.

 

A NUMBERS GAME...

Ok, help me out here a sec.

The Eagles get themselves a new TE. His last name is Smith. And they assign him #82? C’mon Mr. Equipment Manager, have a heart. Don’t subject us Eagles fans to the site of watching another tight end named Smith with that number. It conjures up way too many unpleasant memories of Little John.

 

IT NEVER FAILS...

Anytime you want to create a funny, memorable TV spot, put some middle-aged white guys in it and have them dance. Works every time.

And it works for the new Visa spots with Morgan Freeman serving as the voice over.

Ok, I’m done. See you next week.

Til then...

Time’s yours. Food’s mine.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Comments


10:24 PM
Mon Sep 14 2009
good job

Great to see you here :)