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Eagles disgraced by Cowboys: The Morning After


Good morning campers,


The morning is, of course, anything but good.


As we often do, Joe Vallee - the brains behind Philly2Philly - and yours truly will brainstorm on the title for each TMA. Right after the game, Joe threw out the word "mishandled" as the possible descriptor. I immediately replied "not nearly strong enough," as in that word doesn't even scratch the surface in describing that fiasco we watched on Sunday. And, no, I’m not talking about the Emmys.



So we landed on "disgraced" - even though we both wanted to throw out some other adjectives. However, being this is a family show, we decided to keep it clean.


I can tell you another word came to mind, however, and that is defined this way:


"Having the disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream; unreal; fantastic."


The word in question is surreal, and I don't know about you, but I'll be damned if I didn't think what we were watching yesterday was a dream. It was, of course, an all-too-real nightmare.


And the surreality of it all was not reserved for the game itself. For at halftime, Fox's Curt Menefee informed us that "Atlanta came back to defeat the Falcons" today.


Jane, stop this crazy thing!


Let's get to getting.


Going to do something a little different this week boys and girls.


I just felt I needed to after yesterday.


Hope you don't mind.



An open letter to Chip Kelly: 


Dear Chip,


I would ask you how you are doing, but I think I kind of know, so I will refrain from going down that path. And quite frankly, I don't really care how you are.  


So many words come to mind when I think of you after yesterday. And at least one name: Steve Spurrier. My friend, Tom Sylvester, threw that analogy out during yesterday's game. In case you don't remember, The Old Ball Coach came out of college, just like you - where he was very successful, just like you - to coach the Washington Redskins. He made a lot of money, more so than he would in college and proceeded to go 12-20 in two years.


Your record after two years was better than that, of course. So you have that going for you, which is nice.


As for the words that come to mind, they include: Overmatched. Overhyped. Overrated. See a trend here?


Now there's an old Jim Croce song called You Don't Mess Around With Jim and the chorus goes like this:


You don't tug on Superman's cape.

You don't spit into the wind.

You don't pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger,

And you don't mess around with Jim.


Now to Eagles fans, our version would be exactly the same except you would substitute "Eagles" for "Jim."


The reason I bring this up, Chip is I don't think you get it. And by "it" I mean the unrivaled, unparalleled, undeniable, bleed-effing-green love affair the fans have with this team. This is NOT Eugene, Oregon. This is Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The Eagles are not "just another team" to us, Chip. And most assuredly the Dallas Cowboys are not just another opponent.


When we say we live and die with our team, that is not a line on a bumper sticker or a hashtag. It is what is at the core of who we are. The Eagles are our only collective hope right now in this sports-starved-for-a-winner city, and you are tugging on the cape, you are spitting in the wind and you are pulling off that mask.


There are many of us who are beginning to question your NFL football IQ. Notice I included "NFL" in my statement, for I believe you have a very high football IQ. But alas, this is the NFL, and as Jerry Glanville once famously said, that stands for Not For Long if you're not getting it done.


There’s also many of us who are questioning your general manager skills. Now forget about Byron Maxwell. You had to go out and get him. Yes, you overpaid for him, but it had to be done. You had to make that statement and I supported it.


By no means am I saying that I think he's worth the gobs of cash he's getting, however. But if that was the market value for the best available free agent cornerback, so be it.


However, I will take serious umbrage with your decisions along the offensive line.


Allen Barbre and Andrew Gardner? Seriously?


Stop me when I am wrong, Chip.


I think you either severely overvalued each of them, OR you were arrogant enough to think that your system is so good, it can hide the deficiencies these two guards clearly have.


Or a little bit of both.


Either way, you blew it. Big time when you let Todd Herremans and Evan Mathis walk.


It truly flies in the face of conventional NFL wisdom if you think about it, Chip. You go out and get not one, but TWO very good running backs, including the guy who led the whole freaking league in rushing last year - then proceed to not provide these same running backs with the necessary "accessories" they need to be at their best.


Remember Chip, this is the National Football League, and in the National Football League, the games are primarily won or lost in the trenches. And those trenches need to be patrolled by very large, talented men who, pun intended, play with a little bit of a chip on their shoulders.


Sam Bradford? Meh. He's ok. I guess. I mean, he's shown some flashes of goodness, as Judge Smails liked to say. But Lord, we’re seeing a lot of his badness, too. And please, spare us the "it takes time to gel as a team" garbage, because we're not buying it.


For the first time since you arrived, you look indecisive on the sidelines. That frightens me perhaps more than anything. Whether I agreed with you or not, you always seemed in total control. Last week vs. the Falcons, however, you looked incredibly indecisive right before attempting the ill-fated field goal.


And yesterday, it was back again - that look of "I'm not quite sure about this" countenance.


Not a good look for you, Chip.


Not a good look for ANY NFL head coach.


In closing, let me just say that I am still with you. At least I think I am. Well at least for one more week.


I mean what choice do we have?


It's you or... well I don't know who?


You don't have Nick Saban's or Urban Meyer's number by chance, do you?




Col. Nathan R. Jessup

Commanding Officer

Ground Forces

Guantanamo Bay, Cuba



'Til next time.


Always remember, time's yours. Food's mine.


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Contact Steve Olenski at solenski@philly2philly.com


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