Eagles Manhandled By Redskins: The Morning After
Good morning campers,
Yes, it is a good morning. Because unbeknownst to many of you, I'm sure there is still a green football team that is undefeated. Happens to be the Green Machine Flag Football team yours truly coaches, along with Brian Keal and Steve Parkes thank you very much. Truth be told, I'm a figurehead. These guys are the real coaches. And thanks to their coaching, our kids are playing very well.
So at least we have that going for us, right? As opposed to the "other" green team in the city who used to be undefeated and is now facing the grim reality of welcoming the 5-0 Vikings and Sammie Sleeves to town next week.
I'm thinking the Birds should at the very least know his tendencies, yes.
As per my norm following a loss, it's rapid fire. Only this time with a little twist - a defining twist you might say. You'll see what I mean.
Let's get to getting.
*Outcoach; to exceed in coaching (v) - Doug Pederson and Co. were painfully and quite obviously outcoached yesterday—Mr. Schwartz on defense in particular. How can you stay in the wide-nine with vastly overrated Connor Barwin being blown up time and again, while a Redskins running back runs gaily down the field as if he were running a field of lilies? Offensively, the so-called Big V, Eagles tackle Halapoulivaati Vaitai, was anything but big, but it was not all his fault. Am I the only one who had visions of Winston Justice dancing in his head watching all this unfold? How can you not provide more help to this kid? Oh wait, that's right: This is Andy Reid light (literally and figuratively) we're talking about. My bad.
*Flabbergast; to overcome with surprise and bewilderment; astound - I don't know why, but I am still flabbergasted as to the Montana-esque performances Kirk Cousins puts on display vs. the Eagles, in comparison to pretty much every other team in the league. It's Kirk-freaking Cousins for chrissakes. Can someone please remind the Eagles D of this before their next game? Thank you.
*Dismiss; to discard or reject - Oh mama, am I a ready to dismiss one Jason Kelce. Good God already. Yes, it is every single week this guy commits at least one boneheaded play, and yesterday was no exception. Problem is, of course, who is waiting to replace him? Anyone seen Guy Morriss around?
*Unseen; not seen; unperceived; unobserved; invisible - Oh Connor...oh Mr. Barwin. The one word I was going to use here was "transfer," as he clearly needs to take one of his infamous Septa trains out of town and transfer to another team. It is not entirely his fault, however, for he is just not big enough to play the position the way the scheme is currently laid out. But man oh man, has he been unseen over the past X number of games.
*Auspicious; promising success; propitious; opportune; favorable - Did my eyes deceive me, or did Mychal Kendricks AND Marcus Smith make big plays yesterday? The former sniffing out a reverse which was destined for big yardage, and the latter staying in position to hurry Kirk-freaking Cousins to make a very Kirk-freaking Cousins-like throw that was returned for six by Malcolm Jenkins? Yes, of course, I realize I am grasping at straws here using auspicious to describe these two plugs. But hey, after yesterday, it ain't easy finding anything good to mention.
*Non-existent; absence of existence - As in the Eagles pass rush and run defense was glaringly non-existent yesterday. Paging Jim Schwartz, your D gives up over 100 yards rushing...in the first half. You might want to think about trying something else. And yes, I know you were without Bennie Logan. Boo hoo. Do something. Anything.
*Non-existent; absence of existence (Part II) - If you can find me the penalty Wendell Smallwood committed - a supposed block in the back that negated a long gain by the Eagles, I will come to your house and...well let's just leave it there. Point being of course, that once again, a phantom call kills the Birds. Of course, that was just ONE of the (13 was it?) flags the Birds were on the wrong side of. What is this, Oakland? Double digit penalties two weeks in a row? Hey Dougie Fresh, think it's about time to have that special talk with your boys about how to behave with the other boys.
*Gratitude; the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful - A debt of gratitude to Redskins TE Vernon Davis. Thank you for being a nitwit and not knowing the touchdown celebration rules. Because of your ineptitude, the Eagles took the shortened kickoff and took it to the house. Thanks VD. Of course, we could have used a few more knuckle headed plays to help the Birds win. Maybe next time.
*Gratitude(Part II); the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful - This one goes out to Lane Johnson. Thank you Lane, for being a buffoon; for not knowing what not to put in your body, then being suspended for it while blaming the players association for all of it. Thanks to you, Lane, we're stuck with The Big V. Enjoy your time away from football, Lane. And no, I don't expect you to consult with NASA while you're on suspension or win any Mensa contests.
*Reality - the state or quality of being real - Here's what's real, kids. The Minnesota Vikings are coming to town. The very well-rested, coming-off-a-bye Minnesota Vikings that is. Their defense is as dominating as any in the league right now, and they are doing more than enough on offense to get by - cue Sammie Sleeves. Say what you want about him, but he's playing very well in the confines and context of their offense. And who is up after the Vikes? Why yes, it is the Dallas Cowboys, who are suddenly very real - on both sides of the ball.
'Til next time.
As always, time's yours. Food's mine.
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Guy Morriss photo: footballcardgallery.com